SFR 291: Shocking Customer Support Tickets (Use Caution) – Stephen Larsen

SFR 291: Shocking Customer Support Tickets (Use Caution)

Dec 10th, 2019 anchorwave

We have a whiteboard of the funniest support tickets over the years…

This is a collection of the rude, hilarious, and shocking things that have come through support…

And today, I thought it would be kinda funny today to share some of the MOST entertaining support tickets with you.

So with my 2 amigos, Coulton and Austin, I’m gonna walk through the customer service requests that have…

  • Shocked
  • Perplexed
  • Amused

… and left us downright flabberghasted!

Sales Funnel Radio customer support

Our goal is NOT to offend…

However, FAIR WARNING – this blog does contain the *TRUMP* word 😉 – so if you’re easily offended…

LOOK AWAY NOW!

Donald Trump customer support

We’re NOT making fun of anybody but there are some things that people…

  1. Reach out about
  2. Ask me to do for them

… that are SURPRISING!

It’s almost like a contest to see what the funniest one is.

Again, we’re not trying to be offensive, but we thought it’d be kinda funny to share some of these comments with you.

Funny customer support

You’ll also find out WHAT HAPPENS when I answer customer support tickets myself 😉

(… and before you write in, there’s a deliberate mistake in this blog – can you spot it??? 😂)

Let’s get to it.

HOW TO DO CUSTOMER SUPPORT (KINDA)

Just so you know…

When I first started doing this (about two years ago), it was just me… and Russell was like:

“Hey, for your first hire, make sure you find somebody who can help you with…

A: Support

B: Revenue Generation Activities.

I was like, “Oh,” and I hired Coulton.

Coulton customer support

And we’ve gone through several customer service software systems.

Coulton: Yeah.

Steve: Anyway, it’s been fun. It’s been an interesting drive. How many support tickets do you think we get in a month?

Coulton: Hundreds. 😂 There’s A LOT nowadays.

Steve: Really?

Coulton: There’s quite a few, yeah. It’s definitely gone up.

Steve: How many hundreds?

Coulton: What do you think, a couple hundred?

Austin: Yeah, I’d say 150 – 250.

Steve: A month?

Coulton: Yeah.

Steve: Wow! You guys have a lot of questions. That’s great, I’m glad that you guys write on in, that’s good – we’re not discouraging that at all…

BUT…

Every once in awhile, there’s that 1% (not the good kind who everyone talks about) who are having a bad day

You know people get a little tough behind their computer screens and they wouldn’t say what they would normally say in front of you online.

Steve Larsen customer support

It’s usually Austin or Coulton (especially Coulton), that kinda usually hits that and gets the flack for it.

Coulton: It’s probably ’cause I’m a patient dude and, yeah. I’m not easily pissed off, so maybe that’s why.

Steve: Yeah, yeah, this would be awesome to hear.

Austin: We’re gonna ease into things here.

CUSTOMER SUPPORT FUNNY #1

First one on the list…

  • “Can Steve look at my stuff for free?”

Customer support question one

Now, I totally get this one, but at the same time, this is a better question for Steve, like seven, eight, nine years ago.

Steve: Yeah.

Austin: You know what I’m saying?

Where Steve’s at now…

Steve’s time is the most precious gem in the business right now.

So, yeah, it’s just NOT doable.

Steve: No, it’s not.

Yeah, it’s funny how many people kinda get kind of frustrated and they’re like:

“Why don’t you just look at my funnel?”

People get really mad about that.

It’s like, “I would, but there’s a line of 100, yesterday.”

Coulton: You honestly got to give them a little bit of credit, they don’t know everything that’s going on.

But then I’m also like, “Do you not see…”

…all the crap that’s going on there? You should probably have a pretty good idea that he’s got A LOT going on.

Austin: Busy man. 😂

Steve: And I totally get that if you don’t ask the question, you’re definitely not gonna get it.

So it’s like, “Okay, you should ask.”

… but it is shocking how frequent that one comes in.

Coulton: Yeah.

Steve: Is that among the top ones?

Coulton: I think it’s just ’cause it’s so shocking.

Austin: It’s one of those ones that stick out.

Coulton: Yeah, yeah.

Steve: Like over and over?

Coulton: Yeah.

Steve: What was the most recent one?

Coulton: You know, honestly, a couple of weeks ago, I think…

We got one that was just like, “Hey, can you just look over my funnel real quick? It’s only gonna take five minutes.”

Steve Larsen customer support questions

I get that it can be quick, but it’s also not gonna take five minutes.

Austin:

Also, his knowledge is worth thousands.

Coulton: Yeah. 😂

How to do customer support

Steve: For *FREE* Yeah. No man!

What’s this next one you guys put on? You wanna go for it?

Coulton: Oh, this one’s awesome.

CUSTOMER SUPPORT FUNNY #2

People think that Steve is answering the support tickets himself.

My favorite part about that is, (I don’t know if you’ve seen this, Austin???)…

But literally, I’ll respond back to something and my name is under there…

  • “COULTON”
  • “COULTON WOODS”
  • “From COULTON”

But they’ll respond and be like, “Thank you so much, Steve. That was so awesome.” Or “Thanks for the help, Steve” or “Thanks for looking at it, Steve.”

How to do customer support Larsen style

And I’m like…

“I don’t know where you’re getting Steve from.”

Austin: Sometimes I just act like Steve.

So…

If Steve’s answering your support tickets, know that it’s me.

Who answers Steve's customer support

Steve: Yeah.

There are many times when I’ll act like I’m my assistant, even though I don’t have one yet.

I’m not trying to be rude, but if I answer one thing, there’s ALWAYS three things that come back.

It’s like the comments have babies, they multiply.

“This is Steve’s assistant – thank you so much for reaching out. If you have a question, reach to goanswerme.com.

That’s pretty fun.

Coulton: You know what’s funny, I’ve had people that say that they’re someone’s assistant and because of you, I now ‘double-question’ that.

Guaranteed it’s NOT their assistant, it’s probably actually them.

Steve: It usually isn’t.

I learned this from Russell…

Russell Brunson customer support

I was in on a Saturday answering a bunch of tickets (before I left ClickFunnels) and Russell walked in and he goes, “What are you doing man?”

I was like, “Oh, well, I’m working on my own business right now. Hopefully, that’s not weird.

I’ve been answering social media questions coming in for six hours.”

And Russell goes, “Dude, I totally get it and I’ve got the best cure for it…

And you’re NOT honestly gonna like it, but are you willing to do it?”

I said, “Yeah, what is it?”

Russell laughed and said, “You don’t have to answer.”

And I was like, “What?”

And he goes, “I know, right? The giver in you wants to go in… just don’t answer anyway.”

Coulton: There’s just NOT enough time.

Steve:

You just gotta be a Time Nazi a little bit.

Customer support time Nazi

Austin: Next on the list…

CUSTOMER SUPPORT FUNNY #3

Steve: Yeah… Starting time? Locations?

OfferMind customer support

Austin: This is a good lesson that I learned from you…

You’re REALLY good at qualifying your customer, the type of buyer you want, and you let the funnel do the selling.

If the funnel doesn’t sell them, they’re not a good customer.

And so, when dates are…

  • All over the funnel pages
  • In EVERY email
  • Postes all over the podcast and social media

…and someone asks, “When is the date?” – the simplest question!!!

Amazing customer support

NOT A GOOD FIT!

“What’s the name of this event?”

And they’re responding to something that says, “OfferMind”(that happens a bit).

Austin: Yup.

Steve: Yeah, that one’s funny ’cause we’re not the funnel – the funnel’s the funnel, and that’s how we look at it.

Anyway, yeah.

Coulton: I’m pretty sure I actually got that question the day before, too.

How do you not have stuff set up and ready for that?

Steve: It’s in every footer of every page…

  • The date
  • The time
  • The location

That one’s kind of funny coming in.

Austin: You gotta take this next one.

Coulton: Yeah, this next one, I was gonna say.

CUSTOMER SUPPORT FUNNY #3

Steve: I’ve had this one several times, several times.

Just so you guys know…

The internet is mean and you gotta have a little bit of a thick skin – you’ve gotta grow one.

And this is one of the first major support tickets I got, like ever, so it crushed my little soul at the time.

This guy reached out…

He goes…

  • “Dear Stephen, I hope you and your family burn in hell, FOREVER.”

First customer support ticket

And I was like, “Oh”.

Anyway, I’ve had that one several times.

It’s very interesting if you have any level of success, some people immediately think that you’re a scammer.

It’s like, “oh, I guess Apple’s a scam, Google’s a scam.”

I don’t know, anyway, so weird. That happens, but whatever…

Coulton: That’s sad.

Austin: Bring it on, baby.

Steve: Bring it on!

It’ll happen as you guys get bigger…

Actually, talking about this one is one of the reasons…

So, Russell had this podcast episode a few weeks ago – it’s almost like the negativity comes in waves.

He’s like, “Oh that sucked a little bit,” and then it’s like boom, the internet comes back again, then it goes away.

It’s the naysayers have a convention

Funny customer support tickets

… I don’t know what it is.

It’s like a drum circle convention and they go like, “Let’s go attack this guy today,” and it’s crazy.

There was this week that the internet was really mean and Russell – and I were chatting about it.

He’s like, “It’s just the internet testing to see if you really believe what you say you do.”

You treat it that way ’cause it’s A LOT easier.

Coulton: That’s good.

Steve: Yeah.

Coulton: That’s a cool way to think about it.

Steve: Dude, do you wanna do the next one?

Coulton: Next one?

Steve: This one’s good.

Coulton: Oh man, this is actually probably one of my favorites…

CUSTOMER SUPPORT FUNNY #4

Favorite customer support ticket

  • “About the product, where is it? I’ll refund on you. Oh wait, here it is in my email.”

It’s like three consecutive emails – so it’s like the first response is, “Where the heck is the product?”

…and then ‘cause we don’t respond within an hour… (Honestly, who responds within an hour? I don’t know, but…”

Steve: We can’t. Who knows?

Coulton: We don’t.

Austin: Yeah, we don’t do that.

Steve: ClickFunnels just added live support, just now, you know?

Coulton: Yeah.

Austin: Two hours later, they’re like, “I’m gonna a refund if you don’t give me the access to product…”

Customer support refund

…and then by the time I look at it the next day or whatever, they’re like, “Oh sorry… “

Steve: Oh here it is.

Coulton: “I responded to the email that actually had access to the product, so my bad.”

Funny customer support

Austin: And when we’re building the funnels, we’re very diligent.

I even noticed today, you always spot check when it’s done.

Little things like the fulfillment email, to make sure links are in there, to make sure account credentials and so on, and so forth.

Yeah. We’re super good with our fulfillment emails.

Steve: We’re really good at it.

Yeah. It’s funny because the part that kills me is when people go on the social media pages and groups and say:

“Steve Larsen, I’ve messaged your support two times now and I can’t find this thing.”

Disregard customer support message

And then in the comment right underneath it, they go:

“Never mind, I found it. Everyone, please disregard.”

But in that time, they’ve gone and given one-star reviews on the freakin’ pages, and you’re like:

“What is wrong with you?”

Steve customer service funny

Oh my gosh, it’s an autoresponder – it goes out immediately, so funny.

Coulton: Yeah. I get it if you didn’t get the fulfillment email.

Steve: Sure.

Coulton: It totally makes sense – that happens, I understand.

Sometimes you gotta check your spam, see if it’s in there.

But when they actually respond to the fulfillment email itself, which happens more often than not

Steve: The auto email goes out, and *then* they respond to the auto email saying:

“Where is the link to the member’s area?”

…and it’s in the email they’re responding to!!!

That one’s funny.

Austin: The lesson there is to read every email that we send.

Steve: Yeah, I won’t waste your time.

Coulton: Don’t skip a word.

Steve: We’re time Nazis.

Coulton: Go for the next one?

Austin: Next up…

CUSTOMER SUPPORT FUNNY #5

Customer support funny number five

  • “Can you review my software that’s gonna be the next ClickFunnels killer?”

Coulton: I love that one.

Austin: Simple answer, “No!”

Steve: “We’re trying to build the ClickFunnels killer. Can you review thein the funnel to sell it?”

Coulton: Every time I see that I lean over to Steve, and I’m like, “Bro, somebody wants you to review their next ClickFunnel software killer.”

Steve: Oh my gosh, yeah.

Austin: Big marketing tip is to understand your audience, understand who you’re trying to sell it to.

I don’t think you’re gonna sell a ClickFunnels killer to this guy.

Steve: Very, very funny. Yeah, that one’s funny. Can you review my software? I forgot about those.

Coulton: I mean, Russell did make a shirt that has gears in the heart, red and blue, after what Stephen said about ClickFunnels.

I don’t think you’re gonna get any reviews from Steve…

Yeah, it’s not gonna happen.

Steve: Actually, I will get on and help you create that…

Sales funnel customer support

Anyone know any good viruses? Viruses, anyone?

Oh, man.

Austin: I feel like the next two kinda go hand in hand.

Coulton: Yeah, I can read those.

Steve: Go for it. Yeah. Yeah.

Coulton: This is my next favorite…

CUSTOMER SUPPORT FUNNY #6

Customer support funny six

  • Tickets without an actual question behind it – it’s more of just a statement that leads absolutely nowhere.

Austin: It’s just a thought.

Steve: Yeah, and it’ll be two paragraphs, usually. They’re long and you don’t know hat they’re asking.

Coulton: Yeah. I’m like… You know how many times I’ve responded, I’m like, “So, what exactly do you need from us?”

Steve: Is that how you say… You actually say…

Coulton: Sometimes I do.

Steve: “How does this involve us?”

Coulton: I’m like, “I’m not sure what you’re asking, can you help reframe that, please?”

And that goes along with the next one, which is…

CUSTOMER SUPPORT FUNNY #7

Customer support funny seven

  • Tickets without context, literally.

Coulton: They’re like, “Hey, I need this thing.”

Austin: “The link isn’t in there!” and it’s like, “Where is there?”

Steve: What link? Yeah, what did you buy?

Coulton: “I can’t log in…” and I’m like, “Oh that’s cool, what can you not long into?”

Like, I have no idea what you’re talking about, you know.

Steve: They’ll respond and be like, “Stephen, send me my bonuses you promised.”

What bonuses?

Customer support bonuses

We launch A LOT of stuff – there’s no context there

Austin: Yeah, the clearer the questions, the faster we get back on support tickets.

Coulton: I’ve even seen somewhere it’s just literally the subject line, there’s no body-text at all.

There’s nothing in it! Literally just the subject line – “Where’s the link?” And I’m like…

Steve: Just go to Google… and there’s a link! Here you go.

CUSTOMER SUPPORT FUNNY #8

Customer support funny eight

Steve: Oh, I gotta go for this next one ’cause this one is so funny to me.

  • Support tickets we get about ClickFunnels memberships.

This one is hilarious- people will ask me questions. In fact, this happened last night, and I won’t say who it is ’cause he’s very famous.

Someone reached out and they wanted to know about a thing in their ClickFunnels account.

  • I don’t work for ClickFunnels
  • I don’t have access to your accounts
  • I don’t see anything in your ClickFunnels, I only see my ClickFunnels account.
  • I don’t have access to Russell’s anymore, I haven’t for a long time.

They’d be like, “How do I fix my billing in my account?”

Talk to ClickFunnels – we’re NOT ClickFunnels.

Austin: And piggybacking off that…

  • If we push you to go get a ClickFunnels issue solved, you can’t CC us on emails with ClickFunnels support, it doesn’t do anything.

Steve: That happened yesterday. Yeah. I was wondering what those were…???

Austin: They get really confused as well.

Confusing customer support

Steve: Yeah, they CC us and ClickFunnels at the same time so then we see these threads, as ClickFunnels support agents chat back and forth, and we’re just seeing it, and we’re like, “Yeah….”

I forgot about that.

I thought you were asking something, that was somebody else.

CUSTOMER SUPPORT FUNNY #9

Coulton: That kinda leads into the OFA Challenge.

We get a lot of people that are like…

  • “Hey, I didn’t get my bonuses for the OFA challenge. I bought it through Steve’s link” …but we never actually got a commission of any kind and it doesn’t show that you bought through our link.

OFA Challenge customer support

Steve: …and they didn’t actually buy through our link!

Coulton: That’s probably a good thing to go over now…

Just open up an incognito window, whatever it may be, and clear your cache.

Austin: Yeah.

Coulton: Those different things that help make it so you actually go through Steve’s link instead of the last person’s link that you may have been on.

Austin: Yeah. If you want the goods, opt-in to the affiliate pages in an incognito browser.

Coulton: Yeah, there you go, that’s the trick.

Steve: Or, one I will personally get is…

I literally have thousands, no joke, of unread Facebook Messenger messages.

I don’t even open Facebook Messenger anymore.

I’m not saying I’m proud of that or that’s the right way to go, but it’s just the reality of where we are right now growing the business.

We’re staying lean and mean, but people will reach out and be like,

I’m like, ‘I’m not even an admin on the page. Why are you reaching out to me? I don’t have that.’

Steve Larsen customer service funny

I’m just a coach that’s contracted in, talk to ClickFunnels.

Austin: It’s funny.

Coulton: I feel like the next one, we’ve already…

Austin: You can field it.

CUSTOMER SUPPORT FUNNY #9

  • I thought Secret MLM Hacks or I thought ‘this program’ was a totally done for you system.

Secret MLM Hacks customer support

That one’s funny – especially when it’s like a…

Coulton: a $57 dollar product.

Steve: Yeah, when it’s like a $57 dollar product.

They’ll be like, “You’re not building my whole funnel for me?”

I don’t have any done for you services, ’cause I don’t really believe in it.

Austin: Read what you’re getting.

Steve: Yeah. Exactly what’s in the offer is what we deliver.

Steve: Yeah. That’s funny.

Coulton: Oh, man.

Austin: I feel like you gotta take the next one, as well.

Steve: OH, Yeah!!!

CUSTOMER SUPPORT FUNNY #10

Customer support funny ten

  • Playing the *Trump* card 😉

As a marketer, one of the roles that you have is to generate noise.

And one of the easiest ways to generate noise is to realize that, there are two ways to do it…

  1. You first can generate noise
  2. You try to align with where noise already is – which is the easier way and the smarter way.

So if somebody like Trump, (who, I don’t care what you think about him, and I don’t have any political agenda here)…

But…

Q: Would you say Trump has a lot of noise right now?

A: He’s got tons of noise, right?

Customer support Trump card

That’s why we created this thing called MakeAffiliatesGreatAgain.com.

MakeAffiliatesGreatAgain.com was meant to be a spoof and ride off of the noise of “Make America Great Again.”

And…

Why not make it even more controversial and noise bound by putting a Trump toupee in the logo?

Controversial customer support

Just me doing that alone, I mean, it is so funny how many people got offended, which is very shocking also.

We sent out the announcement email about that and I can’t tell you how many people have reached back out and were like:

“You said the word, TRUMP. I now know what kind of person you are, goodbye.”

And that was it – “Bye!”

And I was like, “Okay see you.”

I like to respond to that like, “Alright, bye”.

You don’t see what I’m doing here?

Customer support tips

I didn’t give any political agenda, nor will I ever…

Anyway, so funny, just the fact of …

“Oh, he’s the spawn of Satan, and because you said his name, you clearly are, too. I know who you are.”

And then gone.

That happens frequently, which is funny…

So we decided to make ads about it.

Coulton: I don’t know if you guys caught that???

Literally, I don’t know how many times we’ve created products and done funnels that are just riding the wake – literally just right behind the noise.

It works great.

Steve: So good.

Coulton: You guys gotta watch him on that – see what he’s doing, you can take a ton from it.

Steve: You just kinda align with it, yeah.

Austin: Also piggybacking off that, I’ve got plenty of offers from people who I don’t necessarily agree with something that they do…

Steve: No.

Austin: But I get value from what I buy. That’s all I care about. So yeah, no need to get buttered on stuff if you don’t agree with it.

Steve: Yeah, did you say butter?

Valuable customer support

Austin: Yeah, I don’t know – sorry iTunes

I’m of the mindset that if something can provide you value, that’s all that should matter.

Steve: Totally. I’ve bought a lot of products, where frankly, I don’t go through much of the actual product – it’s merely so that I can see how they’re selling it, and that’s been worth the price I’ve paid alone.

You understand one of the reasons we don’t do a lot of $7 and $57,(we don’t do a lot of price ranges around that strategically), is because typically, (and I don’t wanna offend anyone when I say this)…

But you’ll find that the MORE expensive prices you charge, the better the person is, (like the situation in their life) to act.

So if you go for something that’s like a dollar, a lot of times you’ll find that it’s people who don’t have a lot of money, understandably, and I’m not making fun of that.

But there’s a lot more of the starving mentality.

And they look at you as an enemy if the bonus, for some reason, (the zeros and ones threw up that day and got sick) and a bonus didn’t show up in 15 seconds…

Customer support problems

And they reach back out and are like, “Burn in hell, you’re crazy, oh my gosh!” Right?

And you’re like “What…??? Holy crap, your spam filter caught it, it sent.”

Anyway, it happens.

Austin: This next one, this was a personal favorite of mine – this is recent.

CUSTOMER SUPPORT FUNNY #11

Customer support funny eleven

  • Pitching Steve

We had someone recently that reached out…

It was just a hard pitch…

  • Case studies
  • Results

…EVERYTHING!

… and wanted to help Steve launch an info product, and teach him how to launch an info product.

Like, he’s never done it before.😂

Steve: It’s like the people who reach out asking if they can build a website – #NO!

Customer support pitches

Austin: Yeah, I thought that was a good one. You put a lot of effort into it, but…

Coulton: It’s a lot of effort, but it’s kind of like the Dream 100 thing that you get to that are like obviously they don’t know you at all.

Like, yeah, like you even said, Russell gets wine bottles all the time… and he talks about how he doesn’t drink, ALL THE TIME.

Yeah, he still gets them.

Customer support dream 100

Austin: Know your audience.

Coulton: Do a little research, you’ll find out, yeah.

Steve: Listen to an episode…. which you all are obviously are. [chuckle]

Would you wanna take the next one? This happens to you A LOT.

Austin: This is Coulton’s favorite.

CUSTOMER SUPPORT FUNNY #12

Coulton: So we literally get… I don’t know, I feel like it’s like three affiliates a day.

  • Don’t leave a ——— (so we can’t pay you!)

It is a crazy amount of people signing up for the affiliate program to sell our products.

And so they send in their W8 or W9, whatever it may be, and it just blows my mind that they fill everything out, and then there’s one blank spot…

That one blank spot is the most important blank spot…

Customer support stress

…. and that’s the signature.

It says “Sign here.”

And I think it’s even on the page multiple times, “We cannot accept it if it’s not signed.”

Steve: There’s a place where you sign…

Coulton: If we needed to show that somewhere for some purpose – how are we gonna prove that it’s even you at all, you know what I mean?

Steve: So they don’t sign it and they just send it right in or something?

Coulton: Yeah, so they don’t…

And I get it – it’s kind of hard, ’cause you gotta print it out, you gotta sign it.

But we do have tech nowadays and you can digitally sign it.

It makes it a lot easier.

Austin: Here’s a little hack, write your signature on a piece of paper, scan it and save it as a picture on your computer, and you can just put it on any PDF.

Customer support signature

Nice and easy – DONE!

Coulton: And even if you have a Mac, Preview lets you sign…

You can sign the trackpad, and then it saves it as your signature.

You can put it on any document you want.

Steve: It comes with Macs.

Austin: And what’s nice is when you sign your forms, we can get you paid quicker. So that’s the incentive there.

Steve: Can’t pay unless you do it.

Austin: Yep.

CUSTOMER SUPPORT FUNNY #13

Customer support funny 13

Aka… why I don’t do customer service!

  • You’re clearly a scam!

Steve: This guy reached out to me, (this happened like two or three weeks ago)…

And it was one of these situations where the bonus hadn’t been sent immediately.

And so he reached out and his first message was, “You’re clearly a scam”.

So I’m just tired of like, I’m not gonna defend… I’m not gonna play small…

Anyway, I got feisty back.

I suck at support because I yell at back at people – I just do.

I suck at customer support

(… it’s one of the things that makes me a good coach for ClickFunnels ’cause I don’t put up with people’s junk.)

Which is why Coulton is such a godsend.

I would yell at people in a support ticket.

Q: “How do I add a funnel?”

A: “CLICK ‘ADD FUNNEL! HAVE YOU GOOGLED IT???? It’s literally ORANGE and BIG… it has “ADD FUNNEL” right there at the top of the page!!!”

So I would get kind of flustered and frustrated with some people, (it’s just my personality and that’s okay)… we all come together as a team on this.

But this guy came out swinging…

Angry customer support

“You’re clearly a scam, and your company sucks,” or something like that.

So I reached back out and I said:

“Well, you’re NOT exactly the dream client either.”

(I don’t think I told you guys about this one…)

And he goes, “Wow, you’re know how to reel ’em in.”

I was like, “Actually, I know how to keep him away too.”

Anyway, I should stop there…

Crazy customer support

It went on for a while, and finally, I was like, “Look, I’m not here begging for clients. And it’s part of the reason why we built a company that we love working for our people.”

…it didn’t end well!

When you come out swinging, saying that we’re scammers, (especially with like a $7 thing), we are totally fine refunding and just saying:

“Stay out of our world.”

You know what I mean?

Coulton: 100%.

Steve: And we’re not saying to you guys here on the show, ’cause you guys all know this show, you love it – you’ve been following the journey.

But there’s A LOT of people who reach out and they’re just predestined to have this predisposition for ridiculous negativity.

And we did not start this to become life coaches, you know what I mean?

We started this to offer what our offer is.

So you gotta be careful with that. That’s actually very key to this whole thing.

Coulton: Mm-hmm. What’s that gonna do for you?

Steve: I don’t know.

Coulton: Looking at it that way, it’s not gonna help you get any farther.

Steve: It’s crazy, yeah. The next one?

Austin: The last one! Coulton, I feel like you should tackle this one.

Coulton: Oh, I think this was actually my conversation. Let’s see, oh yeah, this was a while ago. I totally forgot about this one.

Steve: This has happened frequently though.

Coulton: It has.

Steve: Happened on the Trump one.

Coulton: The first time it happened, I was kind of surprised. I was like, “Really? Alright.”

CUSTOMER SUPPORT FUNNY #14

Customer support funny 14

  • Unsubscribe me… (I think you’re a HACKER)

So I literally got an email from somebody asking to unsubscribe them from the email list and I’m like “Okay, that’s weird,” but I have to ask…

  • “Why do you wanna be unsubscribed?”
  • “And then also, there is an unsubscribe button at the bottom of the email. You can literally click and it’ll unsubscribe you just by clicking it.”

Steve: Which, legally, we have to have in there by the way.

Coulton: Right? It works. Yeah. I mean I unsubscribe from emails I don’t want all the time.

So she wrote back and it was awesome.

She’s like, “Why would I ever click on anything in an email that has ‘hacks’ in the subject line?”

Customer support hacker

Austin: Which, to her credit, to her credit… Right?

Steve: But to a hacker, if you put the word ‘hacks’ in and everyone knows what you’re doing…

Coulton: I know, right? Like, “I’m a hacker, I’m gonna put ‘hacks’ in my headline.”

Learn how to do customer support

Steve: They don’t do that.

Coulton: Then my next thought is, is how did she get on the email list in the first place? Where did you go to put your email in???

It was probably a page that said Secret MLM Hacks – I’m just saying.

Steve: We use the word “HACK” and “SECRET” – EVERYWHERE!

Coulton: Yeah. I don’t know, it blew my mind.

Steve: And she got mad and wouldn’t unsubscribe…

Unsubscribe customer support

So then you said, “Well, I guess you’ll just keep getting the emails then.

Coulton: I’m like, “Well, I’m sorry. You have to unsubscribe. So I guess you’ll just keep getting emails. That’s cool with me, but… “

Yeah. If you don’t like it, unsubscribe.

Austin: Man, I don’t know…

Steve: Any others? Any other all-stars that have come across in the past little bit?

CUSTOMER SUPPORT FUNNY #15

Customer support funny 15

Austin: We get pitch after pitch after pitch after pitch. They’re always unique in their own way.

Steve: They’re kind of surprising though, some of them.

Some people will say, “Well, I’ll teach you how to make an offer.”

It’s like, “You don’t even know what we do!!!!”

The Instagram ones are hilarious – I get a lot of those.

Coulton: “Let me help you build it,” or “You’re not getting enough engagement.”

Austin: Also…

If you’re trying to get Steve’s attention, spell his name right, please. Please spell his name right.

Steve: Yeah, S-T-E-V-E-N? Oh, man.

Annoying customer support

Coulton: That’s awesome.

Steve: Yeah, there’s been a few really funny parts about that.

And finally…

WE LOVE YOU!

We love customer support

Just all in all, guys, we want you to know, we wanted to walk through this, but what we’re not trying to create here is a feeling that someone has…

We’re not downplaying any questions anybody has.

Questions are a good thing, but I also do believe that there’s such thing as a stupid question.

That whole thing they tell you in school is dumb…

“There’s no such thing as a dumb question.”

Yes, there is!

A dumb question is one that you took no thought to try to answer on your own.

It’s not meant to be rude, it’s just that’s just how entrepreneurs think.

  • We’ve got Google
  • I have a YouTube education.

You can search this massive vault.

The truth about customer support

Never in the history of the world has ever been so much information present, but such a lack of learning how to access it or how to actually get after it.

  • We love our customers
  • We love you guys
  • We love the show
  • We love everything that has been happening here

…and we’re just going through these ’cause it’s honestly… this is kind of the watered-down version.

We get a lot of garbage from people who clearly hate our guts.

Customer support stories

…so some of this might be a little bit of a steam-blowing-off episode as well, but yeah.

Coulton: But it’s a very small portion of it. You guys do an awesome job overall, it’s just there’s those ones that come in that really stick out.

Steve: We’ll always try to over-deliver, too.

That’s really what I’ve tried to build the name that we’ve developed here is by over-delivering.

… and I always encourage you to do that to anybody that you go serve.

We do that in fun, little surprising ways as well…

Doing this show costs us a lot of money, frankly – and it’s one of the ways that we try to over-deliver.

One final thing…

BUSTING THE CUSTOMER SUPPORT MYTH

Somebody mentioned once, “If you had amazing fulfillment, you’d never need support!”

Customer support myth

That is so false.

That person has never actually sold anything EVER – that is a theorist talking.

That person got straight As in school.

Because it’s NOT true.

Every once in a while, something does happen with email and it doesn’t show up and something doesn’t work…

And it’s not that we’re trying to scam anybody, something in a system jacked up somewhere and we wanna fix it as much as the other person wants to receive it.

Anyway, we’re very, very thankful for you guys.

Thanks for following the journey.

THE END OF SALES FUNNEL RADIOThe end of Sales Funnel Radio

We thought it’d be kind of fun as Sales Funnel Radio will be ending at episode 300, as far as our involvement here with it…

And I wanted to make kind of a fun episode…

I mean how many support tickets we’ve gotten total? I mean in the last two years.

Coulton: I have no clue.

Steve: ‘Cause we were on that other system for a while, which was terrible – I like the new one.

Coulton: Are we on 20,000-something? 20-something-thousand?

Austin: I feel like that’s pretty fair, yeah.

Steve: Yeah, and it has nothing to do with fulfillment.

Some people are just wondering a genuine question, and they’re like, “Oh I’ll go reach out like this…”

…and NOT realizing that it’s probably the least effective way to try to get my attention.

So anyway. Yeah, anyway.

Coulton: Sometimes it just takes less time to actually just look into the problem and figure it out.

Steve: The FAQs at the bottom of the page that we always put there.

You entrepreneurs watching this right now, make sure that you make it easy for people to reach out to you.

WHEN IS THE PURCHASE OVER?

Customer support purchase

My wife and I bought this water machine about two months ago, it is still not installed.

The installation process with this company has been so horrendous that I love the product, but I’m looking at it and I’m trying to not hate the product simply ’cause I can’t use it.

Make sure that the fulfillment you’re delivering is as smooth and seamless as it possibly could be.

It always could be better.

The purchase is never over at the checkout, at the card swipe.

Your customers have gotta…

  1. Get it
  2. Use it
  3. Have success with it
  4. That’s the best thing you can do post-purchase to ensure the success of your company.

So make it easy for your customers… and people who aren’t…

Anything else?

Austin: That’s all I have.

Coulton: Cool.

Steve: Awesome, guys. Get rich, get back. We’ll see you guys in the next episode.

Capitalist Coaching customer support

Alright!

*You* reading this right now, you’re in one of two scenarios.

Either…

You’re currently selling a product and you’ve got a slick sales funnel and traffic…

There are ads and you have content, bringing in new customers. You have upsells, downsells, and phone sales.

You’ve almost automated it, making money while doing everyday things.

Either that’s all set up and going…

OR…

The second option is you don’t have any of that, and you’re still trying to make this work and tie all of these pieces together.

If you want my help, just go to capitalistcoaching.com and see where you can get started.

Capitalist Coaching

It took me a long time to get the skills for all this to get moving…

  • Writing the sales letter
  • Making the sales videos
  • Building the funnel
  • Writing follow-up emails
  • Promo campaigns
  • Promo emails
  • Fulfillment plans
  • Fresh new ads

… there’s A LOT.

And the path to move forward is different for each person.

So I created capitalistcoaching.com for you to check out where *you* need to start.

Whether you’re just starting out with…

  • No product
  • No list
  • No single clue on what to do next.

OR…

If you’re like one of our BIG corporate clients who just need to add more revenue and scale your offer, go to capitalistcoaching.com.

I don’t really believe in shortcuts, but I do know you can speed up the path on the journey

Figure out the BEST place to start by going to capitalistcoaching.com now.

The post SFR 291: Shocking Customer Support Tickets (Use Caution) appeared first on Sales Funnel Radio Blog.