SFR 225: Why My Coaching Is Loved AND Hated – Stephen Larsen

SFR 225: Why My Coaching Is Loved AND Hated

Mar 15th, 2019 anchorwave

It wasn’t on purpose, but there’s a certain style of coaching that I like to live by. It’s certainly effective, but can make some people… not like me, ha!

I’ve never seen anyone make a million dollars who wasn’t trying to

After coaching thousands of people I’d be an idiot to not see patterns…

When I first started coaching at ClickFunnels everyone thought that I’d be teaching strategy. However, the truth is that getting MOST people to move forward with strategy takes a MASSIVE amount of work on their mindset.

Mindset of a business coach


In One Funnel Away Challenge, I’m the guy who yells every day. BOOM! I yell a lot. I’m kinda NO BS. So want to explain to you the difference between sympathy versus empathy, as it relates to my coaching.

Here are a couple of observations I’ve made from all my hours of coaching:

  1. People often come with the expectation that I’ll just tell them to click a button and they’ll make millions! (Even though ClickFunnels is probably the closest to that of anything that’s out there… that still NOT gonna happen.)
  2. People fight the shift they have to go through personally because it can feel like pain… pain is not the right word, but sometimes a shift can feel like pain.

You have to go through a shift. You have to uninstall crap in your head and reinstall NEW beliefs.

A lot of it comes down to shedding beliefs that we’ve been taught about money either from parents or other authority figures.

Beliefs of a business coach

Success has MORE to do with your beliefs around money than the patterns or strategies I’m teaching.

I’m trying to prep your brain so when you hear me speak you don’t put up a wall …or think, “Well that works for Steve ‘cause he’s Steve.”

Man, I was NOT Steve three years ago.

Sales Funnel Radio has only been out for three years.

When I started publishing my acceleration just went through the roof. It was NUTS! That’s why I keep telling all of you guys to freakin’ publish. It’ll change your life.

If you feel yourself having a little negative knee-jerk reaction that you’re not quite controlling to anything I say, then check yourself!

Sit back and ask, “Why am I having this reaction?”


If I say, “Hey, please be a capitalist pig and get as rich as possible because it gives you more ability to help people in this world…”

… I know that as I’m saying that I know people often feel this little knee-jerk reaction.

( I know just because I work with tens of thousands of people )

  • …but Stephen! I was taught this way.
  • …but that means that I have to experience personal growth in order to consume and believe that belief.

Mindset and personal growth

I’m NOT making fun of you. I just want you to be wary of the things that you’re telling yourself.

That’s the stuff that’s keeping you back. That’s the stuff that you have to self-identify and be prepared to question:

“Oh my gosh, I have some false beliefs I didn’t realize they were there.”

That’s NOT easy to do. I know it’s NOT easy.


One of the major reasons why someone will stop their progress in a programs I’m teaching isn’t because what I’m teaching is hard…


People stop because they hit a personal growth zone that their NOT expecting and it’s uncomfortable.

Personal growth excuses

So people start looking around for excuses, “Hey Stephen, this is really good… but it’s just a lot of material!”

I’m like:

  • “Oh is that the excuse you’re using to slowly back away from what I told you to do?”
  • Is that the excuse you’re using to back away and logically justify removing yourself from growth?

That’s some fiery crap, but I say that stuff in my programs because people need to understand what’s going on.

Personal growth BS


The NEW ways and methods that I teach are NOT any less true because you won’t find them in college textbooks or mainstream books and media.

Truth does not require consensus.

I heard Myron Golden say that recently. It’s a great quote.

Myron Golden business coach

Truth does not require consensus!

… which is awesome. It’s really good news! But it’s also really sucky because most of us feel like we’re running alone in the game for a while.

It’s NOT that what I’m teaching you is not true, but rather it’s a question of how well you’re adhering to it?”

No! Adhering is the wrong word.

I hate constriction. I don’t do well with someone trying to constrict or confine me. I’m bad at that.

Adhering is the wrong word, my bad…

How well are you growing? If you measure you against you… NOT somebody else.

How to measure personal growth

Half of getting over false beliefs is just understanding WHAT false beliefs you have. As soon as *YOU* understand that you have a false belief, you can just kind of uninstall it.

Like, “Oh crap that’s NOT true! Where did I learn that?

  • Parents?
  • A Teacher?
  • Some Authority Figure?

Maybe you’ve always believed that, but is it true? For that person, in that time, in that scenario, it may have been true…

But that blueprint doesn’t have to be YOUR blueprint.


I know what I’m talking about because I’ve gone through the same process to uninstall my own false beliefs … AND it’s still going on.

I know which false beliefs I’m hitting now and I’m trying to overcome them. It’s Me Against Me.

Steven Larsen business coach

Most people are looking to have some kind of logical release from the pressure of moving forward. The positive pressure, growth pressure… the type of pressure you get in the gym.

People make an excuse and they pick it up like a flag. They use it as a banner. That’s the theme they use to run out of my world. I see it all the time:

  • I don’t really have time.
  • I don’t have the money to do this.
  • I haven’t quite found my voice yet.

We are all individuals, but our brains still tend to work logically and emotionally in the same kind of way.

How to be a leader

So when I say it’s time is build a funnel… all the excuses appear:

Q: But how do I build a funnel?

A: Click Add Funnel!

Q: Where’s the button?

A: It’s the BIG orange button in the center at the top of the screen.

Q: But how do I do it?

A: Are you freaking kidding me?

Funnel building business coach

You just want me to tell you that you’re NOT a good fit. So you can release yourself from taking action. I will NEVER do that!

In fact, I was telling a good friend last night, I have empathy because I’ve been through that personal growth. That doesn’t stop.

Your personal growth just increases and the problems you’re trying to solve change.


I have empathy for the person who is poor right now and who’s trying to make it work…

Because I’ve been there.

That was three or four years of my life. It was so hard. It was hard emotionally and hard on my self-esteem.

However, I don’t have sympathy for the scenario or that person who is trying to get me to say, “You’re probably not a good fit.” So that they can go back to their friends and family and save face by saying:

“Steve said I wasn’t a good fit because of x, y, and z.”

Without the courage to change belief and take action the model work for them … so they’re trying to save face. They’re trying to save status…

Status and personal growth

I’m NOT gonna give you that card EVER because I believe you are better than you think you are.

We’re all trying to progress and trying to grow, but you’ll only do that if you recognize your false beliefs.


There are over 500 Two Comma Club Award winners. 500!

How much more social proof does someone need to start taking some freaking action in their life? BUT that’s not the problem

The problem is when someone says:

  • I’m gonna go make my first funnel.
  • I’m gonna go make my first sales message.
  • I’m gonna do a webinar for the first time.
  • I’m gonna do a podcast

They get into one my programs and pay me for it…

I tell them exactly what to do…

Because it’s just a freaking pattern.

It’s all a framework. It’s all a model. It’s all a pattern.

Then I say, “Did you do what I assigned you last week?” They say, “Well, no, I haven’t quite done it yet, but I went through the videos.”

So, you’re telling me that you:

  • Went through the videos.
  • Learned the patterns, the models and the frameworks

…but you didn’t take action on it?

That screams internal hangup. That screams massive, massive voice going on inside the head.

I’m NOT throwing rocks at the fact that you’re having those challenges. EVERYONE experiences these challenges with every new opportunity that we take.

It’s part of the demons-in-the-head game that we all get. Not just in entrepreneurship, but in every single thing we do in our lives. I’m NOT throwing rocks at the fact that it happens.

Personal growth hangups

I’m throwing rocks at the fact that people use it as a banner to give up.

Rather than take the opportunity to grow, people step back and say, “Well, Stephen, I really want to be able to do this, but it’s not a good time for me.” *BULLCRAP*

No time is a good time. That’s freaking garbage. I’m gonna call BS on that.

I have empathy. No sympathy though. I have NO sympathy. I’m not gonna sit back and say, “Oh, you’re probably right.” That’s NOT a good coach.

How to be a good business coach

I’m not here to make you feel good. I’m not here to make you feel better. I’m here to make YOU better. That’s the role that I serve.

It’s not for me to be like this, “Oh, it’s okay. Let me care about your emotions more than your output.”

I don’t care about effort. I care about outcomes.


My Content Team is so freaking awesome. Not one of them will step back and say,

“Well, Stephen, I tried to get the episode out on time, but I tried but just didn’t cause Glee was on.”

You gotta treat this as a business.

I don’t pay for effort. No one does. That’s just freaking capitalism, baby.

My content team is so freaking awesome because they all know that.

The funnel building team that I’ve built all know that I’m paying for outcomes, NOT effort.

The same is true for you and your growth, but most people don’t go there.

Personal growth outcomes

I’m trying to help people self-identify when they are in effort mode, which is like pansy-zone… and when they are in outcome mode, which is like:

“I know it might hurt because I need to grow, but I’m willing to feel a little pain in order to get the outcome in myself, and the change that myself requires to have a successful business.”

Sometimes people get on my coaching calls because they want to feel the semblance of growth and progression.

They keep getting on the calls and they say, “I got on the call today. I feel momentum. I’m doing it.”

*Even though they haven’t done ANYTHING*

Personal growth effort

You getting this? … just trial closing ya 😉


People have a hard time until they get a little tough with themselves. Not that you have to be tough… just HONEST.

When people get honest with themselves about:

  • Where they are?
  • Where they’re not?
  • Where they’re efforts are providing real fruits… and where they’re not?
  • Where they are trying to get released from growth?
  • Where they’re actually growing?

Until someone actually sees and identifies their own false beliefs and BS, it’s tough.

“Stephen, I don’t have my first follow-up yet. I just don’t have any time.”

I ask them to do a time study and it turns out they’re watching freakin’ four hours of Netflix a day! Are you kidding me?

Time study business coach

I’ve got no sympathy. I won’t grant you any. I got empathy because I’ve been there. No sympathy though, I’m never going to give someone that privilege.

I’m never going to give someone the release or the license of this is what you need to be doing.


If you’re feeling kinda twingy in the brain or the heart… and you’re like,“GAH!”

I’m NOT trying to make anyone mad.

What's holding you back from personal growth

I’m trying to help you self-identify where your false beliefs about this game are?

  • “Stephen, I would totally move forward on this, but for me right now…”

Don’t you dare throw the ‘right now’ and ‘time thing’ at me! I hate that one. It drives me up the freaking wall.

  • “I just don’t have time to pull this off.”

Are you serious? Are you kidding me? I was full-time in the army. Full-time college. Married. Kids…

Steven Larsen - How to be a leader

I had to learn how to learn faster in college so I could squeeze out two-three hours of funnel building time a day.

I hardly slept for a little while. Was it worth it? You better freakin’ believe it. Yes!

I don’t do that now. I believe in hustle but not like 24/7 hustle. Sorry, Gary V.


There’s a time and season for everything. I call it the hustle and harvest phase

I’m gonna hustle and build the thing… because time is valuable. I’m gonna build my thing quickly, and I’m gonna hustle.

I’m going to be willing and open to experience pain in order to get it done, personally, on an internal believe level…

I’m just NOT gonna wear not sleeping for three days as a badge of honor, #funnelhacker. I think that’s crap.

How to be a business coach

There are times and seasons for funnel hacking at massive hustle speed where you don’t sleep. I get that, but…

  • That’s NOT the point.
  • That’s NOT sustainable.
  • That’s NOT why I do what I do.

I Hustle and then I Harvest.

In the harvest phase, I’m building a lot of systems. I used to call it Build and Harvest, but there’s nice alliteration to Hustle and Harvest…

So now it’s Hustle and Harvest. Hustle, Harvest, Hustle, Harvest.

I don’t always run hard.

Man, sometimes I’ll sit back and watch The Office for the fourth time… and that’s ok.

Hustle and harvest personal growth

I’m NOT trying to ALWAYS be on 100% output.


I’ve had multiple people ask me, “Stephen, do you ever take a break?” I’m like, “Yeah.”

I took a huge break last night. It was awesome. It was so nice. It was so cool. I didn’t do anything. I was so lazy.

When I prepared my speech and slides for Funnel Hacking Live I did a combination of massive concentrated effort mixed with massive, aggressive relaxation.

BUT it’s the hustle phase that I’m trying to get people into with the One Funnel Away, the Two Comma Club X, and all of my programs.

I’m trying to get people to identify in themselves what they are deciding to hold themselves back with because they don’t want to experience growth.

Empathy. Not Sympathy.


Know before you go I want to challenge you, (don’t just read this and take no action)…

I challenge you to write just the one false belief you know you’ve been using a banner to not move forward in your life. I challenge you to do that.

You get bonus points for this one if you decide to post about it. Do some kind of publishing about it. Like, “Hey, look, I realized I’ve identified I want this but….”

It’s not vulnerability. It’s not weakness. It’s Truth.

Tell the truth… and tell everybody:

Personal growth truth

“I’ve been wanting to go do this, but I haven’t done it in my life because I’ve had a hard time with these beliefs and overcoming them… but I know they’re false.”

Let everyone know that’s what you’re working on and your plan to get over it. I promise you’re gonna have an army of people who are excited for you and want to help you overcome.

I challenge you to identify what’s been holding you back.


Hey, just real quick:

A few months ago Russell asked me to write a chapter for a secret project he was doing. I had to write a chapter for a book, this was the letter I got from him.

He said:

“Hey Stephen, let me ask you a quick question…

You suddenly lose all your money, along with your name and your reputation, and only have your marketing know-how left.

You have bills piled high and people harassing you for money over the phone.

You have a guaranteed roof over your head, a phone line, an internet connection, and a ClickFunnels account for only one month.

You no longer have your big guru name, your following, your JV partners. Other than your vast marketing experience, you’re an unknown newbie…

What would you do from Day1 – 30 to save yourself?

Russell Brunson

Hey, if you want to see my answer and a bunch of other marketers who also answered that in this amazing book and summit, just go to

Steven Larsen One Funnel Away Challenge

You can see the entire summit, you can see the book, you can see what we wrote in there and each of our detailed plans. Just go to

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